All Day I Dream About Orange

I'm obsessed with the color orange, I'm willing to admit that (not that anyone would believe me if I tried to deny it). So when I found some bright orange sneakers on sale, my heart skipped a beat and I couldn't resist.
But boy are they bright. So bright that I've noticed people looking, no, staring at my feet as they pass me. My orange shoes shuffle by and all eyes are just following their every step.

Hello, people! Eye contact, ever heard of it? My eyes are up here! Show me a little respect, please. What, am I just a nice pair of orange shoes to you?! Did you not hear about my "glorious ass" you should be staring at too? Or maybe, just maybe, you could talk to me instead of treating me like nothing more than an expertly dyed combination of leather, nylon and rubber.

This has been an epiphany. I want to apologize to all women for years of trying to secretly stare at places my line of sight should not be venturing. I realize now how disrespectful and humiliating this can be. And I promise to never stare at your chest or other various body parts again. Unless they are swathed in orange, in which case I have absolutely no control on how my eyes react.

Help Me Name My Cock

My new cock.


Isn't he beautiful?


He followed me home from the metro today and now he's watching over my apartment from my kitchen table. I'm not allowed to have pets in my apartment, but this guy's pretty quiet, so I think I can get away with keeping him a secret.

He doesn't have a name yet though. Help me name him. But first, I'll help you get to know him.

I noticed immediately that he's quite proud (as he should be. look at those beautiful feathers!).


But he can be sweet and demure when he wants to be.


And yet you definitely won't forget this face if you cross him in a dark alley.

Gives me shivers!

Coincidentally, he loves the Syracuse Orange, just like I do.


And he's already making friends with Chia Scooby.

This really says a lot because Chia Scooby picks his friends very carefully (him and the Beatles DO NOT get along. Long story for another time).

But don't forget the bling! He prefers his bling to be white and fuzzy.


So what's the perfect name for a bling wearing, orange crazed, proud, yet menacing and demure at the same time rooster who lives on my kitchen table? I'm open to all ideas. But be nice, because he's got his eye on you!